ode to the sun

(from my personal and private files...)

today i woke up to find it was suddenly summer.

no more school. no more dance. and the roses bloomed early.

i've decided to postpone my trip to fallon so i can sit on my swing and remember why i live among these gigantic green mountains that turn pink at precisely 9 at night.

i woke up this morning to find my house framed in arching roses.

and mr. darby had exploded into at least ten heavy blossoms that smell like lemon starbursts.

true.

and my peony out back was full of large fluffy very bright flowers.

I sat on my front porch swing today.

I played with my family in the grass.

I took the girls out to terabithia...my tree

and although she is still surrounded by the high water of the river...she was beautiful.

this was my third time to see her this spring.

a while ago...on a hard day i went. she was submerged in the river. when i saw how unreachable she was...it affected me deeply. i sat on the bank and looked at her root system in the water and wondered how she had survived such a great fall. she still reached out over that river with all these new branches sprouting upward. yet she was her own island. I felt unreachable that day too...I wanted to feel alive like her...so I waded out thru the freezing water and sat on her lap of a trunk...my legs were red and numb. i wanted to be numb too. i wanted to stop hurting. to stop feeling so angry. i wanted to feel strong and supported and supportive. i didn't climb thru her. i just sat and tried to still my mind for a few hours...i watched the twisted current around her...until i could feel my legs and then i waded back to the trail and walked barefoot on that hot paved trail back to my car...

today...she was extra isolated because of the heavy rains all night long...and i stood on the bank with emi and stared at her. emi said, "you know mom we could still get to her." obviously she had been figuring it out in her mind...just like i did a while back. she explained how to get to her...and she was right.

terabithia was indeed reachable.

"but let's leave her alone. and come back when the water is lower"

came the realistic conclusion and off we went on our bikes...emi is right.

it just takes time, and some sunshine...and water will subside.